I have an ongoing debate with myself on the creation of New Year's Resolutions. I've heard many thoughts on resolving -- how resolutions are only a temporary fix, or on the flipside how they can really change our lives.
My friend Nelda titles each year similar to ancient sanskrits to represent ideals she wants to focus on during the year.
Others I know (myself included) will exercise regularly, drink 12 glasses of water a day, and eat the most vegan, low-carb delicacies they can possibly stand.
This year, I am considering several new life changing processes that I'm not sure are resolutions. I really want these to become habitual and a part of who I am.
What are your thoughts on making resolutions?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Where in the blog have I been?
Writing is like therapy for me. And like any good therapy, just when I think I'm cured of whatever ails me, I stop. But any good doctor will tell you just like with antibiotics, you need to keep the therapy going until it ends, not until you feel better.
So, just as I thought I was cured of the divorce pain and drama, I stopped writing. Only to discover that the writing is what was making me feel better...and i needed to keep doing it.
So I'm back. 2-3 times per week. All the tales of motherhood, living single, a rediscovered career (we have a lot to catch up on), and a new year!
Happy Holidays!
So, just as I thought I was cured of the divorce pain and drama, I stopped writing. Only to discover that the writing is what was making me feel better...and i needed to keep doing it.
So I'm back. 2-3 times per week. All the tales of motherhood, living single, a rediscovered career (we have a lot to catch up on), and a new year!
Happy Holidays!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Good Friends, Old Times, Midnight Frapps
So maybe it wasn't midnight.
But it was about 10:30 p.m. on Halloween night when Christie and I had Frappucino's and attempted to solve the world's problems. (They were a nice treat from her husband Jamie, particularly since he drove the 10 miles from their slightly rural subdivision to go the nearest town to buy them for us.)
Starbuck's in hand, the discussion began. Our topic -- middle class Americans, what it means to be wealthy, and how living a frugal lifestyle does not equate to poverty.
(The children were there...playing with Moon Sand and creating a fort.)
Please keep in mind that neither of us is wealthy, and by the same token, neither of us is poor.
At different times in our lives, we have both traded in more non-frugal living lifestyles for the benefit of our families.
Our definition of frugal does not equal poor. We do realize that for some people it does. Again, our definition of frugal does not equal poor.
For us, living a frugal lifestyle has included coupon clipping, cooking from scratch, and giving homemade presents. It means we think hard about making purchases. It means we consistently assess our wants and needs. It means we are honest and fair with ourselves about our family's consumerism.
The advantages to this lifestyle are the memories we've created with our families in the kitchen, having children who understand that life is not always about immediate gratification, and having the opportunity to be extra creative when giving gifts so the receiver feels just as special as he or she would if we spent $1,000,000.
The times of frugal necessity also serve a purpose. Again, frugality does not equal poor. At the times in my life when I have felt like a "baller," I have also realized that monetary affluence means nothing if you are not happy.
Three years ago, I drove a Land Rover and Mr. X drove a Volvo. We lived in a big house and loved to host and attend fancy dinner parties. We especially got a kick out of having the most entertaining kids' birthday parties on the block.
Was I happy? No. Was he happy? Probably not. Would I rather have dinner now with people who know and understand me for who I am -- not for what they perceive my bank account to be? Yes.
Do I understand that true friendship does not require me to prove myself in social circles that I sometimes consider shallow, privileged, and self-serving? Most definitely.
And because of that, I'll take my midnight frapp over a fancy dinner any day! :)
But it was about 10:30 p.m. on Halloween night when Christie and I had Frappucino's and attempted to solve the world's problems. (They were a nice treat from her husband Jamie, particularly since he drove the 10 miles from their slightly rural subdivision to go the nearest town to buy them for us.)
Starbuck's in hand, the discussion began. Our topic -- middle class Americans, what it means to be wealthy, and how living a frugal lifestyle does not equate to poverty.
(The children were there...playing with Moon Sand and creating a fort.)
Please keep in mind that neither of us is wealthy, and by the same token, neither of us is poor.
At different times in our lives, we have both traded in more non-frugal living lifestyles for the benefit of our families.
Our definition of frugal does not equal poor. We do realize that for some people it does. Again, our definition of frugal does not equal poor.
For us, living a frugal lifestyle has included coupon clipping, cooking from scratch, and giving homemade presents. It means we think hard about making purchases. It means we consistently assess our wants and needs. It means we are honest and fair with ourselves about our family's consumerism.
The advantages to this lifestyle are the memories we've created with our families in the kitchen, having children who understand that life is not always about immediate gratification, and having the opportunity to be extra creative when giving gifts so the receiver feels just as special as he or she would if we spent $1,000,000.
The times of frugal necessity also serve a purpose. Again, frugality does not equal poor. At the times in my life when I have felt like a "baller," I have also realized that monetary affluence means nothing if you are not happy.
Three years ago, I drove a Land Rover and Mr. X drove a Volvo. We lived in a big house and loved to host and attend fancy dinner parties. We especially got a kick out of having the most entertaining kids' birthday parties on the block.
Was I happy? No. Was he happy? Probably not. Would I rather have dinner now with people who know and understand me for who I am -- not for what they perceive my bank account to be? Yes.
Do I understand that true friendship does not require me to prove myself in social circles that I sometimes consider shallow, privileged, and self-serving? Most definitely.
And because of that, I'll take my midnight frapp over a fancy dinner any day! :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Just as I was about to give up road tripping....
History was made!
The inauguration will be held on January 20, 2009.
The distance from Dallas to Washington, D.C. is 1310 miles.
YES WE CAN!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Good Friends, Old Times: Mr. X
CJ's teacher called me Tuesday to say he was having a very emotional day at school. Apparently, he cried numerous time throughout the day -- attributing it to the divorce.
Mr. X and I have had a good 10 days or so. There have not been any ugly emails, he answered when the kids called, and he has agreed to help me sort through the school possibilities for Jada for next year. (Her current school stops at kindergarten.)
So, when the emotional issues popped up, I thought I would just have CJ call his father so they could talk. After school, CJ got in the car and instantly burst into tears. I handed him the phone and asked him is talking to Dad would help.
"Yes mom. I want to talk to him but I'm crying too hard. Can you call for me?"
@#$$@#$%$^&&
"Sure, dear."
I called. He answered. I told him CJ had a rough day.
"OK. Toni, can I call you back?"
@#$@$@#%$$%
In 30 minutes he called back. Again I said, "CJ had a rough day. He's upset and asked me to call you."
"OK. What can I do to help?"
Silence.
"Toni? Are you there?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. Jada was talking to me."
(Translation: Did YOU just ask ME how you could help? If I had heard that come out of your mouth before, we could possibly still be married.)
"OK. So what's up? Would it help if I talked to him?"
"Ummm...yeah. He's crying uncontrollably right now but he knows you're on the phone."
"Well...where are you guys? I just got off work and I can come see him."
Silence again. But this time I caught myself before he said anything more.
"We're headed to Applebee's. Kids eat free tonight."
"OK. I'll meet you there."
"Ummmm....okay."
Yes he showed up. Yes the kids were estatic. Yes he talked to CJ about his school issues. Yes he talked to them about the missed birthdays. Yes we were cordial. Yes he asked me about every person at Greenhill he remembered. Yes he asked about Michael, Rosa, Elliott, Nelda, Christie, Jamie, and Gillian (our friends who took MY side). Yes I asked about his family, Tina, Tim, Cecil, and Yolanda (our friends who took HIS side). Yes the kids called him OUT on his new girlfriend/ fiance. Yes I caught him in a couple of lies (leopards never changed their spots). Yes I initiated a conversation about visitation during the holidays. And yes, I lived through it without having an alcoholic beverage.
So, here's the deal. He can be a jerk. He can be more than a jerk. But no matter how much of a jerk he is, he will always be their father and they will always love him. Even when he stands them up. even when they get a new step monster. Even when he forgets their birthdays. And because they love him unconditionally, I have chosen to befriend him unconditionally.
There you have it....good friends, old times, Mr. X.
PS- I did have one secret pleasure of the night. The kids mentioned a male family friend of ours who happens to be 38, tall, good looking, single, and "buff," as CJ says. They said that this "uncle" calls and emails them almost everyday, helps with math facts, taught them how to swim this summer, and lets them stay up late to watch the Disney channel when we are all together.
Mr. X's eyes got big, his mouth fell open, and I gazed out of the window. Nothing else needed to be said.
Mr. X and I have had a good 10 days or so. There have not been any ugly emails, he answered when the kids called, and he has agreed to help me sort through the school possibilities for Jada for next year. (Her current school stops at kindergarten.)
So, when the emotional issues popped up, I thought I would just have CJ call his father so they could talk. After school, CJ got in the car and instantly burst into tears. I handed him the phone and asked him is talking to Dad would help.
"Yes mom. I want to talk to him but I'm crying too hard. Can you call for me?"
@#$$@#$%$^&&
"Sure, dear."
I called. He answered. I told him CJ had a rough day.
"OK. Toni, can I call you back?"
@#$@$@#%$$%
In 30 minutes he called back. Again I said, "CJ had a rough day. He's upset and asked me to call you."
"OK. What can I do to help?"
Silence.
"Toni? Are you there?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. Jada was talking to me."
(Translation: Did YOU just ask ME how you could help? If I had heard that come out of your mouth before, we could possibly still be married.)
"OK. So what's up? Would it help if I talked to him?"
"Ummm...yeah. He's crying uncontrollably right now but he knows you're on the phone."
"Well...where are you guys? I just got off work and I can come see him."
Silence again. But this time I caught myself before he said anything more.
"We're headed to Applebee's. Kids eat free tonight."
"OK. I'll meet you there."
"Ummmm....okay."
Yes he showed up. Yes the kids were estatic. Yes he talked to CJ about his school issues. Yes he talked to them about the missed birthdays. Yes we were cordial. Yes he asked me about every person at Greenhill he remembered. Yes he asked about Michael, Rosa, Elliott, Nelda, Christie, Jamie, and Gillian (our friends who took MY side). Yes I asked about his family, Tina, Tim, Cecil, and Yolanda (our friends who took HIS side). Yes the kids called him OUT on his new girlfriend/ fiance. Yes I caught him in a couple of lies (leopards never changed their spots). Yes I initiated a conversation about visitation during the holidays. And yes, I lived through it without having an alcoholic beverage.
So, here's the deal. He can be a jerk. He can be more than a jerk. But no matter how much of a jerk he is, he will always be their father and they will always love him. Even when he stands them up. even when they get a new step monster. Even when he forgets their birthdays. And because they love him unconditionally, I have chosen to befriend him unconditionally.
There you have it....good friends, old times, Mr. X.
PS- I did have one secret pleasure of the night. The kids mentioned a male family friend of ours who happens to be 38, tall, good looking, single, and "buff," as CJ says. They said that this "uncle" calls and emails them almost everyday, helps with math facts, taught them how to swim this summer, and lets them stay up late to watch the Disney channel when we are all together.
Mr. X's eyes got big, his mouth fell open, and I gazed out of the window. Nothing else needed to be said.
What are the odds?
I am posting twice today.
I just had to write and say that I HAD ANOTHER FLAT TIRE TODAY!!!!!!
The second one in 3 weeks. This time the rim is damaged. I was taking the kids to school.
I did not have an emotional breakdown like I did last time.
All I can say about it is ick.
I just had to write and say that I HAD ANOTHER FLAT TIRE TODAY!!!!!!
The second one in 3 weeks. This time the rim is damaged. I was taking the kids to school.
I did not have an emotional breakdown like I did last time.
All I can say about it is ick.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Good Friends, New(er) Times: Right Here in Dallas
I am thankful for my new friends.
The group of friends who I've encountered since I moved to Dallas 13 years ago. They genuinely love and support me in everything I do.
These friends knew Toni Williams (a little), and Toni Holloway (a lot), and now they know Toni Williams Holloway (or whichever name I am using that day).
They are different from my old friends in that we weren't in college together, we weren't initiated into the sorority at the same time, and they don't remember the great car accident on high school graduation night. What they did do, though, in the time that I've known them -- is taken an interest in learning about all of those places and things, while simultaneously creating new memories with me. After all, these were the women who were with me in the throes of labor.
I'm also thankful for my newest friends -- those who have entered my life in the past year or so where our common bond is divorce, single parenthood, and mommying. There's no doubt that my own mommying changed in 2008 as I took time off from the real world to be more available for the kids. I'm also thankful for the moms who love a good mojito, moms who cheer with me for the Lady Hornets soccer team, and the moms who help me understand the culture of being a mommy this day and time in Dallas, TX.
Here's to you new friends! Here's to you!
The group of friends who I've encountered since I moved to Dallas 13 years ago. They genuinely love and support me in everything I do.
These friends knew Toni Williams (a little), and Toni Holloway (a lot), and now they know Toni Williams Holloway (or whichever name I am using that day).
They are different from my old friends in that we weren't in college together, we weren't initiated into the sorority at the same time, and they don't remember the great car accident on high school graduation night. What they did do, though, in the time that I've known them -- is taken an interest in learning about all of those places and things, while simultaneously creating new memories with me. After all, these were the women who were with me in the throes of labor.
I'm also thankful for my newest friends -- those who have entered my life in the past year or so where our common bond is divorce, single parenthood, and mommying. There's no doubt that my own mommying changed in 2008 as I took time off from the real world to be more available for the kids. I'm also thankful for the moms who love a good mojito, moms who cheer with me for the Lady Hornets soccer team, and the moms who help me understand the culture of being a mommy this day and time in Dallas, TX.
Here's to you new friends! Here's to you!
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