Good Friends, Old Times, Releasing the Pain

There about one thousand different posts that I could have written about my day this past Wednesday. And finally, I decided to just tell it like it is! Wednesday afternoon, I somehow managed to condense every emotion that I have felt over the past year into a 90-minute time frame. 90 minutes of shear emotional upheaval. More than a catharsis. Raw emotion.

Raw. Emotion.

One of my tires blew out on a busy Dallas freeway at 1:30 p.m. I had been running errands and was on my way to pick Jada from kindergarten. Dismissal is at 2:00 p.m.

As I was driving, I started to smell something burning. Within seconds, the road tripping minivan was shaking, and before I knew it, I saw pieces of tire rubber roll into the next lane. Pieces of rubber from my tire.

I pulled over onto the shoulder and instantly began counting my blessings. No children were in the car with me. No accident ensued. I could make definite afterschool arrangements for Jada from my cell phone. CJ and Tyra both had afterschool activities that didn't end until 4:30 p.m.

I counted my blessings. It could have been so much worse. I called for roadside assistance. I then called Christie because someone needed to know where I was -- and then it happened. I broke down into tears. Not because of the tire, not even because of the "what if's" it had been worse. At that moment I felt that something was missing.

I missed the feeling of security that comes from knowing there was a man I could call in a situation like that who would have my back. I didn't have that. He was missing. It was at the moment that in the past year I realized I had shifted into overdrive to handle business and take care of the kids. I never once realized that I needed to take care of me...or more specifically, have the idea that someone else would take care of me. I missed having a should to cry on and a knight in shining armor to come and rescue me.

(Please keep in mind that more than likely, the ex-knight would NOT have been able to come assist me, but it was the theory of having someone that I was thinking of).

While I was waiting, 4 police cars whizzed past me on the freeway. Not one of them stopped. That made it worse. The fraternity of law enforcement officers that I used to proudly be a part of

had not time for me.

In the midst of my tears, I decided to listen to the radio. As I turned the volume up, I felt a numbing sensation in my right hand. The tingling traveled up my arm but then moved down the right side of my body.

Having had a friend who suffered a stroke 7 years ago at the age of 29, I became instantly concerned about my physical health. As my head began to hurt, the tears began to flow harder and all I could say was "Oh God! Please don't let me die today!Those children need me! Please not now, not now!" I then exclaimed, "Oh crap! I haven't finished the book yet! If I lose the ability to use my right hand, how will I finish the book?"

Yes. I can be full of drama. And actually, Tyra was at acting class when all of this was going on.

My emotional outburst lasted for the next 30 minutes. Kindergarten Jada would say I was making a pattern:

Cry, tingle, headache, pray. Cry, tingle, headache, pray. Cry, tingle, headache pray. Cry, tingle, headache, pray.

Soon after, the roadside assistance crew arrived, the tire was changed and I was in route once again to collect my children.

It was then that I realized that I did in fact have a knight in shining armor. It was okay that it was not him, because He was there. It was Him.

Something amazing happened later that evening. The kids and I met an old friend for dinner at Luby's. As we caught up on lives and our perspective on the woes of our country, the kids were entertained by a balloon artist. By the time we left the restaurant, each child had to "regular" helium balloon, and a "special" balloon shaped like some animal.

On the way home, I heard whispering in the back seat and one of the kids asked if we could stop at the park for a few minutes. As I prepared to launch into a huge "We have too much to do tonight" speech my son said, "I want to release my balloon to the world so I can get past your divorce."

Oh.

In thinking of my own need to get past the divorce (as evident from the emotional incident of only a couple of hours before) I headed to the park.

Each child said a few words, I said a prayer, we thanked the Lord for each other and our friends and family. We verbalized good wishes for their father and his fiance (surely, the 4th marriage will be a charm!) and we let the balloons go.

It was a very touching moment for us. It was poignant and powerful and everything about the moment of release made it all worthwhile. All of it.

Insomnia

Last night I couldn't sleep. It was midnight and I was as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as ever. When I have insomnia, there is a problem. At 36 years old, it has taken me numerous consultations with medical doctors and emotional counselors to learn this. If I can't sleep at night, I have a problem.

Here are some examples from my past:
1. I couldn't sleep the night that I had a horrible argument with my ex-husband's mistress two years ago. Yes, I have been there and lived to talk about it. And yes, I said VERY inappropriate things to her. Christie can tell you all about it. Yes, she and her sister were on three way so I could have ear witnesses.

2. I couldn't sleep the nights I found out I was pregnant, any of the three times. The outcomes were great, having three children in 3.5 years was very overwhelming. No wonder my thyroid gave out!

3. I always have insomnia if I have a crazy boss. Ummm...that would mean that I had regular insomnia from August 2005 until May 2008.

4. I couldn't sleep well last week, in light of my sweet firstborn's lying and hitting issues.

All of this brings me to last night. I couldn't sleep. I am FREAKING OUT about the state of our country. I am nervous about the banks, the mortgage industry, the government, the Dallas Independent School District, and my future. (I realize that some of you do not live in Dallas and don't understand that reference. Click here to find out more information.)

I follow blogs for a hobby. Some of my favorites relating to financial success and motherhood are: The Millionare Mommy Next Door (I am determined to become one), Single Ma's Fabulous Financials (this woman is making it happen...I love her willingness to blog about her financial issues...I am working on getting there), and The Hustle of the Sistah Ant (A single woman who overhauled her personal credit and financial issues who now has a credit score of 808! Yes, you read it right...808!)

All of my finance blogs and other recent research has given me the urgency to change the way I view life, money, and preparation for the future. This week (barring a mommy emergency that I need to blog about) I am going to write about my plans admist the turmoil.

I haven't watched any news yet today....should I brace myself for any other shockers?

Good Friends, Old Times and Non-Violence

When we were in Florida, there was an incident with my son and another child we did not know where my child got punched in the chest. The children were playing football and apparently the child that hit mine took the game rather seriously. Once he was hit, my child burst into tears and ran to tell me and his uncle who we were visiting at the time.

The incident spawned a big discussion about how you teach a 7-year-old to respond appropriately in contentious situations. I have always preached non-violence, and his uncle tried to explain that sometimes non-violence works, while other times you need to react. I thought we handled the situation well, particularly since he gave the child much more insight into manhood than I could.

Fast forward two months and a child calls my son a "Bobblehead" at school. What does my son do? He hauls off and hits the offender. I think there may have been some memory of the incident from the summer, I most definitely think that there was some repressed anger toward his father, and I think he had just had enough of this particular child.

The teacher saw the incident and called me. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on what I should have done, and then I'll share what I did do. Here is some background you may want to know before you give me your opinion:

1. My son's birthday was the day before the incident. His father did not call or acknowledge the child's 8th birthday in anyway.

2. My son's initial reaction to everything is to cry. He got that from his mom. In this instance he did not cry until his teacher told him she had to call me.

3. He is the oldest of three children, the girls are 5 and 6.

4. The incident happened near the end of the school day.

5. One week earlier, the same child that called my son a bobblehead also told him that he should not support Barack Obama because Barack is proposing to put a $100 tax on toys for children.

The last one was irrelevant to hitting issue, but I couldn't help but mention it. :)
What would you do?

This Was One of My Best Decisions

I have been in Chicago four weeks TODAY! I could not have asked for anything more. I got to spend time with my parents, I treated the city like I was tourist for the kids, and I really had to opportunity to get some much-needed rest.

Most importantly, I have regained a sense of myself and I have a handle on the ups and downs of life and how to handle them and "keep my yellow."

We are leaving Chicago in 6 days. From there, we drive to Florida. One week after that, we are back in Dallas. I plan to blog regularly from now until we leave Chi-town, but I am going to try to stay off the computer while we are in Tampa and Orlando. If anything, I expect that leg of the journey to be the most exciting, most energy-filled, and most noisy.

Once we're back in Dallas, I'll post some concluding thoughts on road-tripping...but hmmmmm, I wonder what I should write about next?

Have a great weekend!

A Walk Down Memory Lane

I took the kids to my old elementary school to play on the playground and in the park across the street. The walk in the neighborhood was refreshing in the 75 degree temperature and the kids were able to run, jump, and play without worry. For the sake of sentimentality, the playground equipment was the exact same as I remember...but for child safety, would you want your kids playing on a slide that is at least 30 years old?

Take the Stairs

CJ, Jada, and my mother got stuck in the elevator yesterday. For an hour. My father was home packing for an upcoming trip to his high school class reunion, I was working on a presentation for my consulting business, and Tyra was watching TV. She opted not to go because she said we needed to spend "mother/daughter time" together. After I gave her a snack and played with dolls, she decided that "mother/daughter time" was over and she would get an equally beneficial bonding experience with me by sitting in the room with me watching tv as I typed.

Needless to say, our afternoon was quiet.

Until my father heard banging coming from outside the apartment....in the elevator shaft! My mother, CJ, and Jada were on their way back in from the errand running (which did include a trip to Rib's n' Bib's for barbecue-sauce-covered fries).

My father called the building maintenance people, who in-turn called the elevator company, who said their emergency crew would be here in minutes. Tyra lost it...she said she never got to tell CJ and Jada how much she loved them...and now they were going to die with her Nintendo DS! (They had her DS with them on the excursion).

The minutes droned on....and my father became increasingly impatient with the elevator people. It turns out that what was an emergency for us wasn't necessarily an emergency for them, and it took a while for them to arrive.

The building doorman ended up calling the Chicago Fire Department (think Backdraft!) and they set our loved ones free. The children remained surprisingly calm....CJ and Jada both said that they were fine until they saw "big Fire Fighter men with huge wrenches bust in the elevator."

(My children are the offspring of a police officer...in their minds, the police can do no wrong...if it's not a fire, call the police...it's something I have to live with for life....one of those things....it is what it is...public service competition at its finest)

Sigh, and so I digress.

An hour later they were free and back in our apartment. I wanted to take photos of the empty elevator, the "stairs" sign, them once having recovered, but Tyra told me that was soooo innappropriate and that I would just be making fun of them but taking photos and putting them on my blog. From the mouths of babes...enjoy your day!

The Open Road

We did it! We loaded up the minivan and survived the cross-country trek from Dallas to Chicago. The attached photo is a stock photo from edmunds.com but our minivan looks exactly like this and I wanted you to visualize our experience.

Day One: We left Dallas about 11:30 a.m. and made it to West Memphis by 6:00 p.m. The children did pretty well....I overdosed them on electronics, of course!

I wouldn't be me if I didn't make the trip a little educational. Our trip route took us from Texas to Arkansas, and as boring as the state sounds, there are a lot of neat sites to behold on I-30 Eastbound. We traveled through Hope, Arkansas, (birthplace of Bill Clinton), Hot Springs, Arkansas (home to Hot Springs National Park) and Little Rock, Arkansas (home of the Clinton Presidential Library).

A fun game that we were able to play while in Arkansas is "I Spy the word Walmart." Being the home of the infamous Sam Walton, the word "Walmart" is everywhere. From stores, to delivery trucks, to gas stations, it is obvious what store is king there.

The Day One drive would not have been complete without my friends at Starbuck's and Meringue Bakery in Dallas. While Starbuck's is known for the "fancy" drinks, they also have a special energy pack of ginseng that you can add to any drink. The cashier took one look at the three kids and joklingly said, "I'll give you an extra energy pack on me...it looks like you will have a long day." I accepted the offer, however, was definitely not prepared how it would affect me. Road Trip Tip #1: Know how your body reacts to energy drinks before you partake! Cupcakes from Meringue are simply fabulous...they melt in your mouth and the flavor is amazing.

For road-tripping Texans this summer, be weary of our state's rest stops. We did not see an open rest area along I-30 and a couple of weeks ago we were on I-20 for a family funeral, and the same occured then. I did misjudge the number of bathrooms breaks...it turns out we did have to stop every hour to an hour and a half or so. All of us had busy bladders!

Many of the budget-minded blogs that I subscribe too (thanks Christie!) mention all kinds of rebates, free items, etc. for consumers who present a gas receipt. In most cases, it doesn't matter how much or where you get your gas, but it may be worth your while to save your receipt every time you fill up...even while road tripping!

At the end of Day One, here's what I noticed: About an hour a way from our destination, everyone (including myself) got ansy! The children were arguing, I was impatient and jittery (remember the double energy packs) and more than anything we wanted to be done with the driving! On the road at that moment, I made two very important decisions.

1. Even though I am travelling alone with three small children, I need to figure out a way to do some night driving. The darkness soothes them and encourages quiet.

2. When physical fights ensue and we are on the highway, I let them go at it. In 15 minutes, they have worn themselves out and are too weary to speak.

Stay tuned...tomorrow, we roll into the Windy City!